15 + 5

I think I felt "fire baby" with my hands for the first time!
1st thing in the morning I felt some very strange and strong movements (and I normally don't feel much of anything early in the morning). So I decided to see what I could feel with my hands and I felt a large, hard lump in that lower part of my stomach! and that area is normally flat. Even if I thought I could feel something firebaby normally runs away from external contact, but the bump stayed :) It was kind crazy. I double-checked later and that lump was flat again.
No actual kicks felt yet.

15 Weeks

I had my 1st appointment yesterday with my new midwife. Overall it went really well, but was also strange and tiring:

• We head the heartbeat! She didn't tell me the number, but said it was nice and strong. she also had a little bit of a hard time finding the heartbeat (which initially scared me) b/c the baby was moving around so much :) almost like they were running away from the wand.
• The stressful/tiring part was that I was honest with them about my PPD and PTSD. I cried a lot but they will already start getting me the help I need already - by starting on a bunch of supplements/vitamins.
• The midwife seemed hesitant to let me birth in the water, but she said it would be OK as long as I don't birth the placenta in the water - i'm totally ok with compromise.
• My nurse broke her foot during our appointment. 
• Since last week, my boss was let-go so yesterday I just told my new interim boss. that went easier than expected. But I haven't told anyone else at work yet.
• As of Tuesday I had my last progesterone pill. I'm glad to be off one less thing, particularly a medication and so far everything is looking good. :)

I almost forgot that we told Sean this past week too. I was still holding out until closer to March, but he happen to see me in a tank top and asked why my stomach was so big - so I told him.

At first, he said Yay and smiled, so I was then excited to share in that and reached out to give him a hug, but then he immediately backed away and said Nay, and then ran and hid under the blankets.

For maybe the next 30 min he said he didn't like the idea and it was terrible. But later that evening I was looking through my pregnancy book and asked him if wanted to see some pictures of the baby, and he said yes and looked through a couple of pages with me - so that seemed like a good sign. We haven't talked about it anymore yet.

14 weeks!

I've still been feeling movement and it's pretty strong. One time it even moved from the lower-left corner to the center a little bit. Once it even felt like a mini summersalt was going on :)
I told me my mom too that I feel movement. She didn't seem too excited ...w/e

Today I start going on only 1 progesterone pill. With this full week of lowered dosages I've also noticed less bloating and I am far more "regular" that I have been for all of this pregnancy.
I am still very tired but not exhausted anymore.

By the time I blog again I'll have had my 1st midwife appointment. I'm really looking forward to that.

I met with Ashely on sunday and she said she wanted to help plan my shower! I truly can't believe /feel blessed that at my age I have already made new friends and such good friends, that I have 2 people wanting to throw me a baby shower. I was worried I really wouldn't have enough people to invite, but I keep reminding myself it's about quality and not quantity.

I'm starting to brainstorm some nice hostess gifts I can give them.

Oh yeah, some lower-back pain was starting yesterday and today.

13 Weeks

I've been getting nervous about not really feeling any new movement since the first time. The other day on the drive home I asked for a sign that things were good - and since then (maybe starting 30min after) I've feeling some strong movements a few times a day!
It's always on the left side and mostly very low - just at or above the bikini line.

So, that's making me feel better.

I decided to tell my boss yesterday too. She was so happy she cried a little bit. I thought I was going to lose it when she did that, but I was alright once I started talking about it. Though, the plan is not yet to tell my team or the rest of the company until after my first midwife appointment. Which is now set for about 15 weeks (Feb 12th).

I started weaning off the progesterone on wednesday too. I was nervous, but also ok with it. I'll be glad to have one less thing to take. I've noticed almost right away my nipple pain has reduced (but not gone) since I lowered my progesterone intake.

I feel if we can make it to our 15 week appointment w/out issue (i'll be down to 1 progesterone pill/day by then) and we can hear a strong heartbeat with the doppler, I will feel much more comfortable sharing the news with more people.

Week 12

I have "fired" my OBGYN officially and am waiting to get an appointment with my new midwife. I'm giving myself about 3-5 weeks from this week to get an appointment - but i'm waiting to see if I can get that gap exception 1st.

I swear that I'm feeling movement already, on the lower left side. It's pretty cool.

We still aren't sharing the news with anyone else at this time; I'm waiting to hear the heartbeat one more time. So it could be another month!

Sean watched me take my shots for the 1st time this week. I was very proud of him for over coming that fear and he was proud of himself!

We determined that #2 will be a Fire Element (Leo) which I've secretly wanted b/c then our house has all 4 elements! Wind (Sean), Earth (Me), Water (Dan), Fire (#2). However, dan doesn't like this - he said the elements don't get along - that's how you get tsunamis :)

11 Weeks

Not too much to report this week. Now that I'm getting over my cold, I'm back to not sleeping well.
No doc appointments or meetings this week either. I was hoping to get some meeting on the books, but the midwives seem to be busier than usual right now.

For travel this year I wanted:
* To visit my friend in Pheonix again (Sean's even asking to go back and visit them again)
* Take Sean back to lego land - so we can use our free passes (they expire in Aug)
* Visit WI in the summer
* Take Sean on a "big" family vacation before he starts school in the fall
* We have a Colorado vacation scheduled for christmas already

Based on my due date and when I can actually travel......We are visiting WI in the winter :(
It may be my last time to get up there before mom and dad move down..so that really made my decision.

We are taking a staycation in April to Broken Bow again. So that will be nice.

I met a new friend and she gave me all of her maternity swim suits, so hopefully I'll be able to use those this summer!

Also trying to plan a staycation for my birthday. I'll be 35 and want to celebrate some how.

Weeks 8 - 10!

Can't believe it's been this many weeks since I wrote.

Week 8: Landed over Christmas break. We were in Denver visiting my SIL. I was worried about the altitude - doc didn't say much but my SIL said that I will burn more calories and be winded very easily.

Well, I really only had energy to lay on the couch - for real! I also ate until the point of wanting to throw-up twice - and my skin's oil production was through the rough!

With all that laying around I was worried I would put on weight, but I didn't :)

Week 9: I had an ultrasound that week. That part of the appointment went really well. Baby is measuring perfectly on schedule and we saw a really strong heartbeat, about 181/bpm.

However, the next part of the appointment went downhill fast. I had a meeting with the doctor (like, in his office and not the exam room). He was excited b/c the ultrasound was so good and described it as we are "off and running". So he started to to lay out the full plan for me through delivery - and all of a sudden he became a typical by-the-book OB. He wants to induce me at 38 weeks! I started to explain my distaste for that idea and the mood quickly changed. he said he was confused at my frustration b/c he thought he was delivering good news and we would be celebrating. he asked me what my concern is and I said I was too upset to talk about - I really wanted to break down and cry at that moment.

After this meeting he said I was due for my pap - well, for the last 2-3 appointments I've been declining the pap - I don't need one now. but I was too defeated at this point to say no again. Which for me is a bad sign b/c I don't want a situation happing like that in birth where I just submit to his ideas against my will b/c i'm too defeated or exhausted to say no.

SO, i'm on the hunt for a new practitioner. I'm keeping my appointment with this OB in the meantime so I still have continuous care.

Week 10: Today! Things still seem good. My symptoms are about the same and my belly is growing nicely. Still pretty oily. In december I was sick twice and I'm sitting here sick again! It's too early for me to take OTC so i'm heavily relying on my oils! They are working and I did my research on if they are safe in pregnancy. However, there is a lot of mixed ideas on there on this topic so it's still a bit of risk - but I also believe me in pain in with a sinus infection isn't good for this situation either.