Birth Story - Dean

THE PREGNANCY
My journey to this point should be a separate blog post on its own, but here are the cliff notes.
In Jan 2018, I started to interview midwives and plan my perfect home birth. To my surprise, later that week I found out I was pregnant! So, we ended up having to chose a midwife sooner than planned. Since I've been through midwifery care before and my pregnancy and birth were uneventful (other than a surprise breech) I just went with the personality I liked most vs who might have been best qualified.

Fast forward to Memorial day weekend and I'm on my 2nd miscarriage. At this point I tried to focus on improving my health and keeping life moving as normal. One of the changes I made was getting regular acupuncture. In addition to the treatments, my practitioner told me I should hold off getting pregnant for 6 months! It was really hard advice to listen to, but we waited.

Now it's October and it's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and I post about my troubles on Instagram. A friend from work sees the post and comes to talk to me and recommends her OBGYN. He has a reputation of being good at helping women get pregnant. So, even though I'm not a fan of this type of doctor and pregnancy path, I take a chance and visit him. We do some testing and start a treatment plan and by Thanksgiving, I get another positive pregnancy test!

So, now I'm in the care of an OBGYN and on the path of a hospital birth. NOT the plan I wanted, but it's the path I was on and things were going well early on. At my 9 week appointment, the doc pulls us into his office to discuss the pregnancy plan and he's already trying to schedule my induction, tells me I'll have to birth on my back, and he's totally opposed to delayed cord clamping. I felt these ideas where closed minded of him and I decided this isn't how my pregnancy will go and I leave his care.

Now, I'm on the hunt for a 3rd care provider...

Using Facebook as my research medium, I find a pair of midwives that work in a hospital and at 15 weeks pregnant I pick up prenatal care again. Everything is going smoothly until 38 weeks, when my baby flipped and became breech again. Since the hospital would require me to have a c-section, I was on the hunt again for provider #4.

At 39 weeks, the new plan is now to have out-of-hospital midwifery care and a home birth!!

THE LABOR
I had my 40 week appointment Wed, Aug 7th. I didn't feel any signs of labor but I was really hoping to go into labor that night. I worked from home that day since my appointment was in the afternoon and way down in Dallas. Mom was with me and it was all uneventful. Later that night, mom and I went Kohls to buy new bath towels. It was great because the cashier asked, "when are you due" and I said "today" 😆.

I went to bed that night like normal. Then around 3:30 am on Thur, Aug 8th I woke up with a lot of lower back pain. Since it was only in my back I wasn't convinced it was a contraction, but they were painful and I was already past my due date, so I thought "the timing it right". Since I was really worried if the full birth team would make it or not, I texted my midwife with a general update after about 15 min. Around that point I started timing the contractions and they were averaging 1 min long, but weren't consistent in strength - and were getting stronger but still only in my lower back (nothing in my stomach area).

Not long after 5 am I called the team in (well, I think Dan did) so they wouldn't get stuck in morning traffic. So, I would assume my team started to arrive 1-by-1 between 6 -7am. Meanwhile, Sean was sleeping and eventually got up and got ready for school (his last day of summer camp actually). By the time he was ready to go, I was in the tub and he came in to give me a hug (which we got a picture of!). His "visit" timed pretty well because I was in between contractions, but I could feel another one coming on and tried to wrap it up before it started.

Over the next few hours labor was going alright, but it wasn't progressing as it should. At this point no one was really saying anything but I knew something was off - not bad - but off. I was in an out of the tub for a few hours. The contractions felt a lot better in the tub, but I had started to notice they were slowing down too. Again, while I knew it wasn't "right" it felt good to have those long breaks. I was really getting exhausted. When I was in the tub for this last time, my doula decided to comment that my contractions are slowing down. I said I noticed that too and she suggested I get out of the tub to get this moving.

By now the main birth team wasn't in the the bedroom anymore, it was only me, Dan, my doula, and the photographer. My midwife came in and said if I can't get things moving, she was going to kick me outside to do some weird stuff (and it was really hot outside that day). She asked a few times if I wanted a cervix check and I kept declining. To get thing moving we started all the weird things, started with pacing the house fast, that didn't seem to do much. She figured the baby maybe needed to be positioned over my cervix better, so for the next few contractions they had Dan put a rebozo under my belly and lift up while I leaned back (we were both standing). 1) this didn't seem to work 2) was extremely painful.

They had me labor in the captain morgen position and do a number of contractions on the toilet. Overall, not much improvement....I think at this point my contractions were almost 20min a part. My midwife asked again if I wanted my cervix checked and this time I said Yes.

It was probably around 10am, and she confirmed I was fully dilated and she could feel a bulging bag and little wiggling toes. Maybe for the next hour they had me do a whole bunch of squatting, but it wasn't working - just made me more tired.

This entire time I kept watching the clock and felt like I was going to have my baby around 1-2pm. While at the same time, it didn't make sense since I was also seemingly so close to being done.

Maybe around 11/11:30 I asked my midwife if she wanted to break my bag, and she said she wasn't opposed to that idea - so she did. Nothing new happened after that. Maybe around 1:00pm my midwife said, "it's time to have the hard talk" and she recommended we transfer to the hospital.

I very quickly agreed that it was the best idea. She wanted me to go down to Baylor (and she already called them). I didn't want to travel that far so she said Presby Allen was an option and I asked if they have good baby care and the team said Yes - So, we packed up and got in the car.


THE BIRTH
It was only a 15min car ride, but it was painful as my contractions started to pick up. By going to a hospital I knew I was conceding to a c-section, but at the same time I felt like that wasn't my path.

We arrived at the L&D door and mom and dad were already waiting outside. Some nurse wheeled me into an L&D room for triage to prep for a c-section. An OB showed up and said I could only have 3 people with me, so my midwife, my photographer, and Dan stayed and my doula stood outside of the room.

The next bit of information is from a mixture of my memory and what other people have told me:

They nurses were moving fast, but not too fast as I soon said "the baby is coming out" and I could hear (my eyes were closed) the tone in people's voice of disbelief, but they checked and sure enough, baby Dean was really on his way out now.

At this point, the shit was hitting the fan in terms of what the hospital thought. I guess the room wasn't prepped to actually be used for a delivery so they started pulling out furniture so they could put in more equipment and more people. What was an OB and 2 nurses, turned into the Entire L&D staff on that floor - the placed was packed.

I'm wailing pretty loud to get Dean out, but things are generally clam. They have me in the stirrups and the OB said she's never seen a breech baby this happy before. I was watching the clock and it kept approaching 2pm so I thought I still should have this baby soon.

I eventually pushed out two legs and a butt - but after that things took a turn. When they saw the 1st foot my midwife and the OB kept saying, that's a big foot. And I guess when the leg came out, the OB thought to herself, that's a big thigh. And eventually they asked how big my last baby was. Nobody knew, and I wasn't in a place to speak yet - but eventually I did. I know all those questions were pointing to a big baby.

The doc got her hand up in my birth canal to see what she could feel (while Dean was also in there) - the was pretty awful. And she had her hands wrapped around him the entire time and said he was slippery and needed a better grip.

My midwife suggested I push him out on my hands a knees (probably at some point before this), but the OB said no way.

When it came time to push out the shoulder, I hit a place I never knew existed. To say I felt pain was an understatement. There are no words to describe what I felt, but maybe "being split into 2" or "about to explode outward". I went from grunting and moaning to screaming. A type of scream I've never heard before and was closer to a "being murdered" scream then a being in labor scream. Once that started to happen, Dean's heart rate started to drop and the nurses said "your baby isn't happy anymore" and that I needed to stop screaming.

They put an O2 mask on me and told me to clam down and take slow breaths until a contraction came on and that I needed to stop making noise, hold my breath, grab both of my legs, and use all that energy to push him out.

I eventually got him out and he was born at 2:17pm. I looked down and had a hard time seeing him because there were millions of hands and arms in my way, but I saw the doc cut the cord and pass Dean over me to another team of doctors. No one said anything at this point, but what I saw was a limp baby and never heard a cry.

As the OB stitched me up, a team of docs worked on Dean. At one point the OB hesitantly asked the team if the baby's heart was beating and they said Yes. Still no cries though. Dan stayed by my side but kept an eye on Dean (who didn't have a name at this point). He said he could see him moving and eventually heard a cough.

Based on the hospital discharge notes, it took about 10 min to get him stable enough to transfer to the NICU, but once they did, he was brought over to me so I could see him. Even at that point he looked good to me! They dropped the side of his bed so I could see him better and touch him a little bit. Then they took him out. I don't remember it, but I guess his first cry was in front of me as they were taking off the c-pap.

After this chaos - All the millions of people left, Dean and Dan went to the NICU, and my doula came back in. My midwife was the 1st to leave (to get to another mom). I called my parents (who were at Cracker Barrel) to come back and bring food. By the time they got there, my doula left and Dan was back - and my photographer were there. She stayed a little longer to try to get some photos of Dean in the NICU. Eventually she was able to and left, and mom and dad left too so they could pick Sean up from school/camp.

I was in that room for almost 3 hours, and since it was small and not prepped they moved me to a regular L&D&R room. I don't remember how it worked, but they brought Sean back while I was still in the first room, so he could visit. At that time, I told him he had a baby brother and he wiped his forehead and said "few".

THE RECOVERY
At about 2 hours old, I finally got a good look at my son, but it was via Facetime. Dean was crying and Bright red and Covered in machines.
He was about 4 hours old before I could see him in person and it wasn't until the next day that I could even hold him (Friday).

I didn't want to name him until I could hold him without the machines and without his hat. So he was labeled in the hospital as "Stach Boy", but we eventually hurried up on a name because the lady who starts the paperwork for the birth certificate needed a name for him. Getting his first name was pretty easy, but coming up with a middle name was much harder.

I was discharged from the hospital by late Friday afternoon, but we were able to room-in the same room for "free" while Dean was still in the NICU. So, we ran home for a few hours to eat and freshen up. By Saturday morning they let Dean room-in with us and put him in our care but they would keep checking back in. They said they just wanted him in our room for overnight observations. I agreed and thought we would easily be home by Sunday morning. When there was no sign of letting us go, I started to make a fuss. Basically a combo of demanding action and crying. By late Sunday afternoon, we were all home. Just in time to get Sean ready for kindergarten on Monday!

39 Weeks

Well, the home-birth is on and I've told everyone I can think of (Doula, Photographer, Parents, Kate, Ashely). I think non-birth team members are a little hesitant, but I'm mostly being met with support - which is really nice.
I even posted my switch to a home-birth at 38 and weeks in my crunchy mom's group and received comments that "you're an inspiration" and lots of contracts :)

This switch has required us to buy a lot more stuff and my nesting has been kicked into high-gear.

Mom and Dad arrived yesterday. I doesn't yet seem as hectic as I thought...and mom even commented that I look a lot calmer than the last time she saw me!

I have my 2nd prenatal apt with my new midwife scheduled for next wednesday. At that appointment I'll hand in my paperwork and payment.

This midwife even has a separate waiver to sign just for breech births. It mentions she will only do frank breech births (which is what Sean's birth was listed at), but this baby is sort of an incomplete/footling breech. She's done one before and it ready to do it again.

She asked me if I can be filmed and used as a training video - I don't want that. Dan's been trying to push me to do it, which I think is rude, but I'm holding my ground here and not allowing filming.

Sean mentioned to me that the way we have been acting lately makes him feel like we don't love him anymore. It's extremely hard to hear, but at the same time I'm glad he's able to voice that to us.

38.4

It's been such a crazy start to the 38th week, I nearly didn't have time/forgot to blog! I also realized I forgot to take my 38 week pic.

The simplest thing to talk about is that yesterday I woke up with bad arthritis in my left hand and couldn't make a proper fist all day. Today I have arthritis in both hands (all in my knuckles) and it's hard to even use my left hand fully.

Ok, now the crazy stuff. The day before my 38th week, I went to the chiropractor and she said she's nearly 99% sure the baby flipped to breech. She wanted me to tell my midwife, but I didn't want to tell anyone. I just wanted to see what happens. So, the next day I had my regular checkup with my midwife and I walk into the room and an ultrasound machine is waiting for me..... I asked why and she goes "don't you remember, we talked about doing this". No, we said if you found the baby was breech a few weeks ago, we would start to monitor - but they weren't. So I'm assuming my chiro messaged my midwife and gave her a head's up.
Well, the ultrasound very clearly showed that fire-baby was/is breech. I just started crying. My midwive had a list of names ready of OBs in the area that do vaginal breech births and she hinted at that there is a midwife that will also do vaginal breech births.

The options that were presented to me were:

• Stay with current midwife:
• Have a scheduled c-section
• Come into the hospital crowning and have a vaginal birth
• Try to flip the with an EVC
• Go to one of 3 male OBs that do vaginal breech births
• Go to the new midwife

I cried a lot more and further discussed my options. At the end of the appointment, she basically tried an EVC and the baby wasn't budging. So we are assuming that scheduling a full one wouldn't turn out much better.

I had originally planned on going back to work, but after the news I decided to take the day off - plus after the EVC I assumed I would be pretty sore (which I was!). I ended up going home and making a few phone calls to get the ball rolling on moving to a new practitioner.

The OB's office I called was a typically OB office - so F them.

I had a nice conversation with the midwife and luckily my midwife called her earlier and gave her a heads-up. She seamed very confidant and easy to talk to. So, I was able to scheduled an appointment with her the next morning - in which we basically did a consult.

Dan and I decided we want to go with the midwife, but nothing is final right now - we are influx. And while I originally wanted to go into labor this weekend, I now hope I wait longer until we get this all sorted out!

I had an ultrasound on Friday morning to determine the exact position of the baby, the cord, and the placenta. That information needs to make its way to the new midwife (which is hasn't) so she can confirm that she can take my case. But based on my consult everything looks good.

In all of this, I've been trying to keep in touch with both midwives and keep my doula, photographer, and Kate in the loop on the changes! That's been a lot to juggle - and a hard switch from when just a few days ago I thought I was at the point of just costing into the finish line. 

Another change is that even though this midwife will do a vaginal breech birth, since she doesn't have hospital privileges, and no birth center around me will take my case, I will have to do a home birth! Which is crazy since that's what we originally wanted! But now I'm nesting at full blast since the birth and birth photos will be here!

37 Weeks

I started on Heparin last week. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. The needles are far less painful and as long as I go slow, the medication doesn't sting. I'm also not noticing any major bruising yet from heparin. I still am healing from my large lovenox bruises.

We finished out pediatrician meet n greets - I'm glad we did this because we ended up going with the person I didn't think I would originally want!

I started drinking "3rd trimester tea" and eating dates. I'm supposed to have about 3 cups a day, but I'm only doing 1 and I'm supposed to eat 6 dates per day, but at best I'm eating 4. I made the dates into date balls - but they still aren't that great to eat. Once I'm out of both, I think I will stop.

My acupuncturist insisted AGAIN that I take magnesium. He gave me a specific type to try from Costco, so I've started those. Surprisingly, I haven't had any issues. But I've decided to only take 1 every other day.

There's been a lot of changes in my body this past week. Things are a lot more tender, sore, achy, popping, Lots of cramps.

My midwife told me just yesterday that the other midwife I've been working with is on vacation all of next week! The main midwife will also be out of pocked for about 4 hours next saturday so if I went into labor then, I would need to be handled by the backup! How bogus. All of a sudden she thinks it's not likely that I will go into labor then, but that's Exactly the time-frame I was planning/envisioning on going into labor. I told my doula too so that she know and she thinks it's bogus too.

I thought for sure I was going to get away with out getting the dark line on my belly...well, it just appeared in the last few days! I thought for sure if I didn't have it now I wouldn't get it. But it is pretty faint and thin.

36 Weeks

It's getting harder to breath, which is weird because the baby dropped probably a few weeks ago. It's also crazy hot outside right now (heat indexes over 100); I tried to walk around the block the other day and I might have gotten a bit of heat stroke??? I couldn't make it all the way around the block and and a few times I felt like I was going to puke. It took me the rest of the day to recover but when we got back in the house Dan help me put ice packs under my armpits and behind my neck. It help mostly.

I had my final meeting with my doula. It went well, but also I can't think of anything of note to talk about.

My arthritis has started and my carpal tunnel has returned. Looking back at my old blog from being pregnant with Sean, this started closer to 37 weeks.

I had my 36 week apt yesterday and it was mostly all the NST. They caught one "good" contraction on the chart and the baby was moving around like crazy. Both midwives seems to be very surprised at the amount of activity - and from my point of view, it was a lot but also not a lot compared to how they move in the evening!
They want to keep doing the test every week but I think I will be declining them unless I start to feel some concern. Fire baby doesn't like the test and each one is an additional $150 per visit.
At the end of my appointment my midwife looks at my stomach an says "you can come anytime you want now"

Later that day I had a chiropractic appointment and she started pushing on the back of my pelvis (right above my tail bone) and it was tender - which is normally isn't. She said my body is getting ready to have this baby anytime now as my hips are loosening up. She could tell b/c my pelvis was springy. She said it was the relaxin, but I thought that was a little bit weird since everything you read says I start releasing relaxin pretty much since day one and I've even seen one place say it peaks around 15 weeks!
I told her (before she told me this information) that I was hoping to have the baby before 39 weeks and she told me I won't be waiting that long. She kinds joked at the end of the appointment that she might not even see me for my appointment next week!

35 Weeks

The swelling has really started. Mostly in my feet, toes, and ankles, but I've also noticed a bit in my fingers. I remember from reading an old blog post that near the end of my pregnancy with Sean I started to get arthritic in my hands. I don't feel I'm there yet, but I do occasionally notice some stiffness.

The leg cramps are getting sooo bad!

I finished my visual birth plan. It looks pretty good. I paid someone $19 to do it - totally worth it. I just hope it holds up - that I stand up for what I want.

I think baby has been head-down for about a week now, but I feel like in the last 2 days they are transverse again. No confirmation though - just hoping they get head-down and stay there by next week (for my next apt).

34 weeks!

I'm still pretty sure baby is head-down - so that's good. I have an appointment today, so hopefully that will be verified soon. Along those lines, I've noticed that since the baby has been head-down my cramping and BH seemed to have increased with frequency.

My emotions have also been running high again - I get mad really easily and for a while I've felt like I've needed to hibernate, but I'm also conflicted b/c I'm worried about losing touch with my friends if I do that, plus the time lost when the baby is here. So I'm trying to make an effort to stay in touch and see people, but it's sooooooo hard.

I can't believe that I'm only 6 weeks away from being full-term! I don't remember anymore what made me look into it, but I found out today that just after Sean was born (late 2013) "they" changed the definition of full-term from 37 weeks to 39 weeks! I had no idea, but I like the change - hopefully it will encourage doctors to not be so pushy to induce or schedule c-sections until at least 39 weeks.

Sleeping is getting so much worse - my charlie horses are back my arms are going numb more frequently and my hips are always hurting

As part of my effort to turn the baby and/or keep them head-down, I've stopped sitting on our couch at all. That has been really exhausting - not having a place to relax is causing my body to get tired really quick, so much so I'm worried I'm already tiring it out too much before birth.
I found a way to sort of alleviate that - I sit on the floor now, facing the couch and put a huge pile of blankets in front of me and then lean over on that. It works for my back, but is rough on the lower 1/2 of my body. However, the best part of it is that Sean has been coming up and giving me big hugs when I do that and tucking me in with his Fuzz :).

Not sure if I mentioned it in a previous blog, but mom and dad are well on their way to moving here by the time the baby arrives! It's all happened to fast - they are moving quickly on figuring out movers and getting rid of stuff, but are currently in a state of waiting for the results of the inspection on the sale of their house and the closing of the buyers house. I'm assuming by the end of this week, it should all be official. They are scheduled to close on their house 7/31, but they plan to be in texas by then.

I had my 1st official meeting with my doula the other day and dan finally go to meet her too. The meeting started off a little awkward, but ended up being very good. I still like here, and she had a lot of knowledge of how hospital births work, so that was helpful. We spend most of the time (1.5 hours) discussing the details of my birth plan. Now I just need to put it all together.

33 Weeks

• I'm Freakin' hot all the time! I've even been wearing shorts to work; I don't wear shorts in public. 
• Supposed to have my 1st doula meeting today and that got pushed back to monday; she had a client being induced on the day of our meeting. She seemed to feel bad about it, but I was just glad I had a least a days notice. I understand that stuff comes up, but I feel better about the level of professionalism she has showed.
• Sleeping is getting so much worse. *fingers-crossed* I haven't had a leg cramp in a while, but my hip joints are really getting sore. I toss and turn a lot, but with the weight in the middle that's getting really difficult. 
• Best of my knowledge, baby moved into my pelvis yesterday  - still trying to figure out which end though.
• My nipples are starting to become sore again, like they were in the 1st trimester.
• I happen to catch a glimpse of my belly button the other day. Looks like my innie is about to become an outie!
• I don't seem to be getting the linea nigra this time around. I did with Sean and I remember it stayed around a while. But not seeing anything yet.

32 weeks

The pregnancy symptoms are back in full-effect!

• Dry Mouth
• Insomnia
• Pimples
• Nasal Congestion
• New one: My eyelashes are falling out! Which is really easy to tell since I have last extensions.

As of today, baby is still transverse.... the midwife nurse is concerned, but she's trying not to show it...and also trying not to tell me the thing I don't want to hear (c-section). She's dancing around the subject. But already talking about doing an external transversion around 36 weeks. No way. Don't want that. I literally left the appointment crying I'm so upset by this possibility.

I've also started having some very strange, new feelings by the baby. I've been trying to think of how to describe them, and the best I came up with was it was like the baby was passing a lot of gas really fast - but that doesn't make sense. Just the other day I saw a post in one of my pregnancy groups that mentioned something similar (but didn't describe it that way)! I was glad to see someone else was feeling that too. My gut said it wasn't a bad feeling, but I wasn't sure b/c it was so strange.
Someone commented that they are "spasmodic sensations" and it's an early start to the baby's nervous system. After reading that, it totally explains what I'm feeling. However, I'm not sure that's the correct term b/c I wasn't able to successfully google it.

Weeks 30 - 31

It's been a very busy 2 weeks, but most of it has happened in the last week!

The most exciting thing is that I had my baby shower. We only had one last minute cancellation and I think there were about 8 of us total. It was short and sweet and really nice. I think people had a good time - they stayed about an hour past the end time and we went through about 2 bottles of champagne. Everyone brought gifts, which was surprising. Mostly diapers and a few cute onsies.
My hosteses both though the shower was a huge success. I didn't fell that way, but I'm glad they did :)

I got some sweet texts too from 2 of my sister-in-laws, mom, MIL, and one of my friends that couldn't make it. Those were all very sweet.

Since we are not setting up a nursery before the baby gets here, we are putting effort into making space in the house and getting our bedroom set up (where fire baby will sleep for a while). The biggest change we did was add custom, wall-mounted nightstands. 1) to make the room look nicer 2) to make more room next to the bed for the bassinet. So, those just got installed a few days ago and I love them. The varnish smell is still in the room, but is finally fading.

I had a facial in the last week too - I paid for it with my birthday gift card from TL. It wasn't special to prenatal, but it was pregnancy-safe. Overall, not that great. I won't be going back. One strange thing that happened was as I was laying down, fire baby was pushing on my lungs so hard I couldn't breath - to the point that I started coughing and could hardly talk! The tech propped me up a little bit more and then things got better.

Another room prep thing we are doing is taking Sean's current dresser and moving it into our room for the baby dresser/changing table. So, we had to buy him a new dresser. We were hoping to buy used, but couldn't find something that we all liked. I found a really great one new, but it was about $700 before tax. At the last min, we found something on Facebook marketplace and now we are all set up. Which means I can start washing and putting away baby items. Yikes

The last new thing that happened recently was that I went to a chiropractor that specialized in pregnancy. The apt was an hour long and I was told she works really hard on you - well, she does. She beat the shit out of me for 30min! I couldn't talk I was in so much pain / lungs being squished I had a bad headache for the next day, exhausted, and I broke out in a full body sweat while on the table. I only went to see her per multiple recommendations from my midwife team, but overall still not interested. I was hoping to see what she thought about being able to help turn a breech baby if that scenario presented itself, but even she said there isn't much evidence for it - it it worked it could have also been a coincidence. So... not likely I'll be back. Oh! She did find that I had a few ribs popped out of place on both sides. She put those back...but from what I know, they will pop back out eventually.

29 Weeks

I'm writing this blog from my midwifes labor room - I'm in the final hour of my 3-hour glucose test. Hoping so much I don't have GD. I had to drink 100mg of sugar water on a full fast. This time the flavor was lime and it was so much better than the fruit punch flavor I had last week. This one tastes like a warm Sprite - which is a tastes I'm familiar with.

This afternoon, I'm meeting a new doula as last week I finally fired Margie.
It did not go as smoothly as I had planned. She understood our reasoning for wanting to find someone new, but she didn't agree on refunding me any money. She starting spouting off prenatal apt dates that never happened and labs that were never drawn and that she also charges for her referrals. Just a bunch of BS, so I just stopped responding to her and un-friended her on Facebook and stopped following her birth center too. Now we are out $1k, but we can move on..

I had a phone call the other day with my friends to start getting more detailed planning on my shower. It went well, but I wasn't in a great mood from the week I've had and of course I was very tired. The good news is that like 99% of my guest list hadn't rsvp'd yet and within a few hours I think I had 4/5 Yes, rsvps! So, that's looking good.
I'm getting more requests for a registry, so I made my Amazon list public and sent it out to a few people.

I think Braxton Hicks contractions may have started. I occasionally feel mild cramping across my belly, horizontally near the lower to middle parts. I hardly notice them though, but I think that's what it might be.

The Routine

I'm a part of a few infertility groups on facebook and I was thinking that if anyone ever asked me "what did you do" I should have a place to reference what I did before I forget. So below, in mostly chronological order, is the regimen I did to conceive this baby.

• Track ovulation
• Measuring BBT
• Ovulation test strips
• Took Fertilitea
• Took Ovaboost
• Morning fertility yoga
• Changed my workout routine to be less strenuous

With the above routine I conceived and miscarried 2 times and then I added on the following:

• Meditation
• Acupuncture
• Stopped Fetilitea and Ovaboost
• Started Chinese herbs, Vit: D, B complex, Prenatal, eating daily seaweed snacks
• Stopped TTC for 6 months

At this point I had another miscarried at about 5 months post my last one, but was a chemical pregnancy. Then I started seeing a few doctors and ended up with an OB that added on the following:

• Recurrent miscarriage panel and diagnosed me with Factor V and MTHFR (diagnosed by a hematologist)
• Add in daily baby aspirin
• Started oral progesterone after ovulation

At this point I conceived on the next cycle and stopped the Chinese herbs and seaweed (but only stopped the seaweed due to nausea/aversion). At this point:

• I stopped the fertility yoga
• Started daily Lovenox shots
• Continued the oral progesterone until about 12 weeks along then took about 2 weeks or so to wean off.

These details are already pretty fuzzy, so this is fairly accurate, but maybe not 100%.

28 Weeks

Last week was both my birthday and mother's day. Dan surprised me by flying my friend out from Arizona and we all spend the weekend together. Pretty low-key, one afternoon of mani/pedis, out to dinner the next night, and just chilling around the house.

Yesterday I had my midwife appointment:

• I took my GD test. Waiting on the results, but overall it seemed to go well. I was dreading it b/c I had to do it the normal way and drink the GD drink (fruit punch) and I've read so many terrible descriptions of the flavor and how it made people feel. I told this to my midwife before and she said I should bring a snack with me and that should help with most of it. 
• Well, I started crashing pretty good w/in an hour of taking it. Though, the taste of the drink wasn't really that bad. But the rest of day I just felt "blah", wanted to pass out, and couldn't think clearly at all!
• I made sure I could get to bed ontime and had full caf coffee this morning, so far so good.
• My midwifes encouraged me to break it off with Marggie and they gave me a few new doulas to contact. I think this is the best direction, but I haven't contacted Marggie yet. I'm ready to do it now, but Dan wants me to wait until both new doulas confirm that they are available for my due date.

27 Weeks

Today starts the 3rd trimester.

As a mother's day promo, we bought the Owlet foot monitor. We plan to only use this for our trip this Christmas to CO, to watch the baby in the high altitudes. Though, we still have to verify/talk with a pediatrician once Fire Baby is born.

We actually had our meeting with my doula. Down to the last min, it looked like it wasn't going to happen..and she was about 3 hours later or so than originally planned, but we met. It was brief, but was the most professional I've seen her in a while. She wants to touch-base every 2 weeks and come to one of my midwife appointments, but we'll see how that goes/if that happens.

Shower invites went out this past week too. Just got mine the other day. Mom RSVPd No (:() and Laura said Yes. That's all I know for now.

I bought a laboring gown too from Amazon. Just something that looked comfy and allows for nursing. If it fits well, I plan to buy a 2nd one then throw them as the 1st things in my hospital bag.

Weeks 24, 25, & 26!

These are the last weeks of the 2nd trimester. Yikes! The reality is really starting to set in, nearly moment of panic.

The kicks and movements are getting very strong and more frequent (though they were already frequent). I have been able to see movement from the outside for a few weeks now. Once in a while the kicks are so strong and sudden they make me jump, screen, or even catch my eye!
Dan hasn't been able to catch movement yet. Though the movement is frequent, it doesn't last long at any given point.

Dan and I decided it would be good to do the postpartum photography series, and I just booked that not too long ago. I was waiting for a good time to get space for it on the credit card. I'm pretty excited about it - also a little nervous what types of emotions it will catch. Though, that's the point - it will be good in the long run

We paid a deposit on the infant daycare. It's a Montessori and the cheapest place we looked at. I'm a little nervous on the cost, but it has good review, a lot of Plano mom recommendations, and a mom friend of mine also sent her 2 kids there and loved it (though not infants). I think it will be a good place to try, the class sizes are a little bit and the school really isn't anything fancy, but seems clean and friendly.
We decided to also send Sean here for 2 weeks over the summer to help bridge the gap between Canyon Creek closing and his school starting.

Mom and Dad spent 2 weeks down by us, which was nice. They hoped to spend a lot of that time searching for places to live and golfing, but the weather was bad so they didn't get much of that in as hoped. We took them to a cabin in Broken Bow over Easter weekend - I didn't relax much, but it was still a nice time. Sean had a ball and mom and dad liked it. The weather was great up there though which helped a lot. I found a tick on me (and I was just walking on gravel at the time!) but it came right off and I felt it, so I don't think it was there long.

While they were here mom and I went to Buy Buy Baby to get the swing for me :) They didn't have it in stock, so we had to order it, but it was still nice to go to the store with here. However, it took waaay longer than it should. We expected to be in/out in about 5-10min, but were probably there 30-40 min trying to buy this one thing.

No shower invites have gone out yet - Kate say she plans to send them next monday. I'm nervous that's too short of notice, especially since 1/2 of my guest list is out of town/state..but w/e.

My charlie horse problem is getting bad - to the point where I'm scared to even go to bed and it's been keeping me up at night, so I can keep checking/catching one coming. A little bit ago I had 2 in one night and couldn't walk for the full next day. I keep getting recommendations for magnesium to help with this and sleep but I can't find something that works for/with me. I asked my midwife for help and she suggested going to a specialist to find what will work best for my body. The good news is that they are in network with my insurance company, the bad news is that they want to book/see me as a new patient. I don't want to be someone else's patient, I just want an answer to my question.

23 Weeks

Just this morning (at work) I'm seeing my stomach move from the outside b/c the baby is kicking so hard :D. The just look like a muscle twitch at this point rather than a full movement. But still pretty awesome.

I was finally able to hammer down a date and time to meet Marggie! I'm not convinced though until it happens, but it's the farther commitment I've gotten from her in a while.

I missed writing up last week that I had my 1st appointment with the the MFM doc. I didn't know what to expect and ended up leaving feeling like it was a waste of time. It ended up just being an ultrasound appointment, that literally was it and I just had a full ultrasound the week before!

I told the doc this, but she said she (of course) likes to do her own ultrasounds. Baby still looked great and I saw some strong movement, one full blown kick even, but what was weird is that I didn't feel it.
She's going to recommend that I come back every 6 weeks, but I'm thinking of declining that. As long as I feel good, I feel baby movement, and my prenatal with my midwife go well, I'm not sure what I need this extra monitoring. I might agree to go back 1 more time once I'm full term, but I'm also worried that could lead to unnecessary interventions. So, we'll see. I still need to talk to my midwife about it.

We toured our 2nd daycare last week and will tour the 3rd (and possibly final) daycare this week. I liked this last one a lot better than the 1st and the price is better. For some reason Dan wasn't convinced.  So we'll have to talk more.

I finished gathering the addresses for my shower, so now the invites just need to be made and sent out!

22 Weeks

Not too much excitement going on this week:
* I finished my shower list, including addresses
* I'm starting to get comments from other people on how big my stomach is and/or how I've really popped
* Fire baby is really moving a lot lately! I can feel them kick nearly 'round the clock and the kicks are getting stronger and I'm feeling them in more parts of my stomach :)

Weeks 20-21

My inlaws were in town for most of this week (and I just got back from visiting my parents the prior week), so I think that distracted me my posts. Also, I normally write these in the morning and on the morning of the 20th week I had my ultrasound, so things were crazy when I got back.

Mostly a pretty normal week. I started up my magnesium again (Natural Calm). I'm not having stomach problems but I am having sleeping issues! Super weird dreams and constantly up tossing and turning - it's starting to catch up to me now. I'll probably have to stop again to see if this goes away.

We registered Sean for Kindergarten this past week too!!!! Aaaahh!

I had my 1st true pre-natal massage this past week too. It was really great. A LOT better than I expected. Normally they are uncomfortable and annoying, but this was relaxing and I felt really good when it was over.

The most exciting thing that has happened over the last few weeks is that I had my 20week/anatomy scan! I took Sean and Dan to the scan and the prenatal appointment. Overall, it went really well.
Baby's heartbeat was good
No fluid in the brain
Measuring right on track
No cleft pallet
We saw a little bit of movement, but not a ton. Baby was probably sleeping.

Sean was pretty nervous but also very curious. He said the whole thing was weird.
When the tech was looking in the area where you can see the gender, I told Sean he can look but we weren't - and he still chose to look. He thinks it's a boy, but when the tech was scrolling through all of the pictures she took, I thought what I saw was a girl (so I saw a pic or two I wasn't supposed to).

My midwife wants me to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine doc - so I'm going to one tomorrow. At this point it's just a consult to see if they need to be involved later on.

19 Weeks

We are in Wisconsin this week; lots of time chilling and squeezed in a few naps.

The coolest thing that happened this past week is that I started feeling kicks! I felt the first one the day of the flights  - during a nap I took that afternoon.

Since then I felt a few stronger kicks maybe every other day :)

They feel like bubbles popping - which is what I thought it was the first time.

I went to the maternity store with mom and got a few pairs of pants. I really wanted to buy some maternity bras, but they did measure me and I went up to a C cup (one full cup). I had a feeling that was the case since my bras are not comfortable anymore and they even just look bigger.

18 Weeks

Soooo Tired!!

We created our announcement photo this week, but aren't going to post until we've at least told my grandparents in person (which will be this Saturday, when I fly back home).
I was trying to come up with a cute, cost-effective, and easy way to tell them - I ended up finding a St. Patrick's Day shirt for $10 that says, "Kiss Me I'm Pregnant"

I realized later that when I told them about Sean it was around St. Patty's day too. Just a coincidence.

We finished interviewing photographers this week.
The last one we met on Sunday was my favorite as far as her pictures go, but only my 2nd favorite regarding personality. However, I decided soon after that I just wanted to go with the best, since it's only $200 more than my 2nd favorite (for talent). However, she mentioned at the end of the meeting that she would send me more information tomorrow (Monday) on her post-partum serious and she never did. I followed up on Tuesday (and now it's Wednesday) and I still haven't heard from here.

I'm not sure if she's at an epic birth or is ignoring me???? I really want to text her about it, but I'm trying to hold off another day or too so as to not be too annoying. However, I want to book someone before the end of the week b/c everyone I talked to only has 1 spot left for August.

17 Weeks

Busy week, just like I planned:

• I met Kate and Ashley to start planning my shower. We had lunch together and it seemed to go well. We essentially just picked a date and location and then chatted the rest of the time. It was fun. My face was actually hurting from laughing so much.
• Later that night, Dan, Kate, and I went to a big consignment pre-sale and it was a lot of fun and we got a tone of stuff! I want to say we spent about $360 bucks, but we got a:
• Stroller (retails for $200)
• Pack n play - with the infant seat (retails for maybe $160)
• Wagon (retails for about $90)
• Bouncy/rocker seat (retails for maybe $50)
• Maternity clothes
• High chair (retails for $150!)
• Diaper pale (retails for about $40)
• Not including maternity clothes - that's $690 worth of stuff!!!

The main item we are missing is the Halo Bassinest.

Dan's sister is giving us:

• A care seat with an extra base
• Bath tub
• Bobby

I also stopped my ashwagahnda this week. My stomach problems haven't gone away, but my level of anger/irritability seems lower and my dry-mouth has gone already.

16 weeks!

Dan finally told his last sister last night (Lisa), only to find out this morning that Marv didn't even know yet! I thought for sure if Vickie told Sarah that meant she told Marv.

I started my new supplements this week: Magnesium, Vit K, and Ashwagandha. They are all supposed to help support my mood. So far, (though I'm only on 3 day of this), I feel a lot more on-edge, like I get irritated way more easily. I've also been waking up everyday with a stomach ache and having to go to the bathroom.

I plan on telling my work this week - kinda nervous, but also ready to stop hiding it.

This upcoming week will be pretty big, so I think I'll save those updates for week 17 :)

15 + 5

I think I felt "fire baby" with my hands for the first time!
1st thing in the morning I felt some very strange and strong movements (and I normally don't feel much of anything early in the morning). So I decided to see what I could feel with my hands and I felt a large, hard lump in that lower part of my stomach! and that area is normally flat. Even if I thought I could feel something firebaby normally runs away from external contact, but the bump stayed :) It was kind crazy. I double-checked later and that lump was flat again.
No actual kicks felt yet.

15 Weeks

I had my 1st appointment yesterday with my new midwife. Overall it went really well, but was also strange and tiring:

• We head the heartbeat! She didn't tell me the number, but said it was nice and strong. she also had a little bit of a hard time finding the heartbeat (which initially scared me) b/c the baby was moving around so much :) almost like they were running away from the wand.
• The stressful/tiring part was that I was honest with them about my PPD and PTSD. I cried a lot but they will already start getting me the help I need already - by starting on a bunch of supplements/vitamins.
• The midwife seemed hesitant to let me birth in the water, but she said it would be OK as long as I don't birth the placenta in the water - i'm totally ok with compromise.
• My nurse broke her foot during our appointment. 
• Since last week, my boss was let-go so yesterday I just told my new interim boss. that went easier than expected. But I haven't told anyone else at work yet.
• As of Tuesday I had my last progesterone pill. I'm glad to be off one less thing, particularly a medication and so far everything is looking good. :)

I almost forgot that we told Sean this past week too. I was still holding out until closer to March, but he happen to see me in a tank top and asked why my stomach was so big - so I told him.

At first, he said Yay and smiled, so I was then excited to share in that and reached out to give him a hug, but then he immediately backed away and said Nay, and then ran and hid under the blankets.

For maybe the next 30 min he said he didn't like the idea and it was terrible. But later that evening I was looking through my pregnancy book and asked him if wanted to see some pictures of the baby, and he said yes and looked through a couple of pages with me - so that seemed like a good sign. We haven't talked about it anymore yet.

14 weeks!

I've still been feeling movement and it's pretty strong. One time it even moved from the lower-left corner to the center a little bit. Once it even felt like a mini summersalt was going on :)
I told me my mom too that I feel movement. She didn't seem too excited ...w/e

Today I start going on only 1 progesterone pill. With this full week of lowered dosages I've also noticed less bloating and I am far more "regular" that I have been for all of this pregnancy.
I am still very tired but not exhausted anymore.

By the time I blog again I'll have had my 1st midwife appointment. I'm really looking forward to that.

I met with Ashely on sunday and she said she wanted to help plan my shower! I truly can't believe /feel blessed that at my age I have already made new friends and such good friends, that I have 2 people wanting to throw me a baby shower. I was worried I really wouldn't have enough people to invite, but I keep reminding myself it's about quality and not quantity.

I'm starting to brainstorm some nice hostess gifts I can give them.

Oh yeah, some lower-back pain was starting yesterday and today.

13 Weeks

I've been getting nervous about not really feeling any new movement since the first time. The other day on the drive home I asked for a sign that things were good - and since then (maybe starting 30min after) I've feeling some strong movements a few times a day!
It's always on the left side and mostly very low - just at or above the bikini line.

So, that's making me feel better.

I decided to tell my boss yesterday too. She was so happy she cried a little bit. I thought I was going to lose it when she did that, but I was alright once I started talking about it. Though, the plan is not yet to tell my team or the rest of the company until after my first midwife appointment. Which is now set for about 15 weeks (Feb 12th).

I started weaning off the progesterone on wednesday too. I was nervous, but also ok with it. I'll be glad to have one less thing to take. I've noticed almost right away my nipple pain has reduced (but not gone) since I lowered my progesterone intake.

I feel if we can make it to our 15 week appointment w/out issue (i'll be down to 1 progesterone pill/day by then) and we can hear a strong heartbeat with the doppler, I will feel much more comfortable sharing the news with more people.

Week 12

I have "fired" my OBGYN officially and am waiting to get an appointment with my new midwife. I'm giving myself about 3-5 weeks from this week to get an appointment - but i'm waiting to see if I can get that gap exception 1st.

I swear that I'm feeling movement already, on the lower left side. It's pretty cool.

We still aren't sharing the news with anyone else at this time; I'm waiting to hear the heartbeat one more time. So it could be another month!

Sean watched me take my shots for the 1st time this week. I was very proud of him for over coming that fear and he was proud of himself!

We determined that #2 will be a Fire Element (Leo) which I've secretly wanted b/c then our house has all 4 elements! Wind (Sean), Earth (Me), Water (Dan), Fire (#2). However, dan doesn't like this - he said the elements don't get along - that's how you get tsunamis :)

11 Weeks

Not too much to report this week. Now that I'm getting over my cold, I'm back to not sleeping well.
No doc appointments or meetings this week either. I was hoping to get some meeting on the books, but the midwives seem to be busier than usual right now.

For travel this year I wanted:
* To visit my friend in Pheonix again (Sean's even asking to go back and visit them again)
* Take Sean back to lego land - so we can use our free passes (they expire in Aug)
* Visit WI in the summer
* Take Sean on a "big" family vacation before he starts school in the fall
* We have a Colorado vacation scheduled for christmas already

Based on my due date and when I can actually travel......We are visiting WI in the winter :(
It may be my last time to get up there before mom and dad move down..so that really made my decision.

We are taking a staycation in April to Broken Bow again. So that will be nice.

I met a new friend and she gave me all of her maternity swim suits, so hopefully I'll be able to use those this summer!

Also trying to plan a staycation for my birthday. I'll be 35 and want to celebrate some how.

Weeks 8 - 10!

Can't believe it's been this many weeks since I wrote.

Week 8: Landed over Christmas break. We were in Denver visiting my SIL. I was worried about the altitude - doc didn't say much but my SIL said that I will burn more calories and be winded very easily.

Well, I really only had energy to lay on the couch - for real! I also ate until the point of wanting to throw-up twice - and my skin's oil production was through the rough!

With all that laying around I was worried I would put on weight, but I didn't :)

Week 9: I had an ultrasound that week. That part of the appointment went really well. Baby is measuring perfectly on schedule and we saw a really strong heartbeat, about 181/bpm.

However, the next part of the appointment went downhill fast. I had a meeting with the doctor (like, in his office and not the exam room). He was excited b/c the ultrasound was so good and described it as we are "off and running". So he started to to lay out the full plan for me through delivery - and all of a sudden he became a typical by-the-book OB. He wants to induce me at 38 weeks! I started to explain my distaste for that idea and the mood quickly changed. he said he was confused at my frustration b/c he thought he was delivering good news and we would be celebrating. he asked me what my concern is and I said I was too upset to talk about - I really wanted to break down and cry at that moment.

After this meeting he said I was due for my pap - well, for the last 2-3 appointments I've been declining the pap - I don't need one now. but I was too defeated at this point to say no again. Which for me is a bad sign b/c I don't want a situation happing like that in birth where I just submit to his ideas against my will b/c i'm too defeated or exhausted to say no.

SO, i'm on the hunt for a new practitioner. I'm keeping my appointment with this OB in the meantime so I still have continuous care.

Week 10: Today! Things still seem good. My symptoms are about the same and my belly is growing nicely. Still pretty oily. In december I was sick twice and I'm sitting here sick again! It's too early for me to take OTC so i'm heavily relying on my oils! They are working and I did my research on if they are safe in pregnancy. However, there is a lot of mixed ideas on there on this topic so it's still a bit of risk - but I also believe me in pain in with a sinus infection isn't good for this situation either.