http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melissa-sher/sht-every-new-parent-should-know_b_4475457.html?ref=topbar
My favorite: Do you love your baby? Are you doing the best you can? Has anyone contacted the authorities? If you can answer "yes," "yes" and "no" then pat yourself on the back because it's going well so far!
January 5, 2014
December 29, 2013
It's Back
Maybe it was just a hard day, but the loneliness is back. I've been feeling it for a the last week or so, but last night it was really bad. Logically, I'm not alone, but I can't shake the feeling. I've lost who I was.
When I see Sean, I smile, but I don't always feel something. Is this taking longer than normal?
When I see Sean, I smile, but I don't always feel something. Is this taking longer than normal?
December 27, 2013
Let it be known!
At 11.5 weeks, Sean started teething. I'm not mentally ready for this, but hopefully everyone gets through it pain free ;)
December 16, 2013
Starting to come around
I'm finally starting to feel some love. Within in the last week or so was the first time I told him I loved him.
I think it's becoming easier as he develops..becomes more of a person. I can start to see him develop skills now.
i feel lucky to have him in my life..and not just him as a baby, but Sean, specifically. I don't think i would be able to imagine a better son.
I think it's becoming easier as he develops..becomes more of a person. I can start to see him develop skills now.
i feel lucky to have him in my life..and not just him as a baby, but Sean, specifically. I don't think i would be able to imagine a better son.
November 10, 2013
Dear Future Self
Things to consider if you decide you're ready for #2:
- The first two weeks with an infant are nearly hell. It does get better after that, but it's still not easy...far from it.
- Being pregnant sucks, it's a long lonely year, and at this point you have no idea how you can physically handle a toddler while being pregnant.
- Birth, that was the easy part - but it might not go as smoothly the second time.
- Little babies are cute, but only when they are quite and you are rested.
- Your baby is 5 weeks old and though you have a motherly instinct to care for him, you don't feel an overwhelming love or like a mom. Hopefully by the time you read this again, that will have changed.
- If you do get pregnant, be sure to have more fun on maternity leave.
October 8, 2013
Birth Story - Sean
Labor and Birth
So, thursday night (10/3) was like any, recent, typical thursday night. Dan went out to play horseshoes and I stayed home and watched stand-up comedy (but this time in the dark and w/out my computer on). Dan came home a little early and watched TV with me and passed out on the couch. I ended my show before it was done and we went to bed maybe by 11pm.
I got up around 2:30am for the usual pee break and things were normal. However, maybe about a 1/2 hour or so from there I woke up with some bad cramps. I guess they were actually contractions, but the pain was almost exclusively in my lower back and I thought I would feel them over the top of my uterus and have them move down (like the "wave" everyone keeps talking about). I gave it about a 1/2 hour before I decided to start timing them. The contractions where of irregular length but were pretty consistently 3-4 min apart. I didn't think this was real, as my birthing classes told me that they should start out anywhere from 5-30 min apart..and get stronger with each one - mine were also varying in strength. I got dan up just to let him know what was going on but that he can go back to sleep. Around 5:30 I texted my midwife and she told me to take a shower and try to sleep. Well, I took the shower but sleep didn't happen. Laying down made the contractions way more painful.
Little did I know at the time, around 6:30/7:00am I started the transition phase - denoted by the vomiting. By this time, Dan was up with me and we were all sitting in the bathroom (Mr. T included). My midwife wanted me to eat something b/c she knew I wouldn't be able to later...well, I wasn't able to at that point. Dan had tried making me some oatmeal and toast.
I tried to calm things down with a heating pad on me and I moved to our loveseat out in the living room. At that point I told dan to call our doula so she could help me labor, but that somehow got lost in translation and she didn't get called. I was ready to leave for the birth center, but since it was a friday morning were would be in the middle of rush hour, so we decided to wait a bit longer. Dan grabbed up the last few things that we needed. I told him to brush his teeth too...he asked if he could take a shower and I reluctantly said sure, but that it better not be more than 2min. Well, he was gone in less time than that I started WAILING b/c the involuntary pushing phase had started. The noises I was making scared Dan and Mr T!
At that point I really didn't think I would make it to the center and I certainly didn't want to sit in the car. So, I called my midwife around 9:50am with the intent of having her come to the house, but I was never able to speak that much. By then, Dan had ran out of the bathroom and saw I was on the phone and all I could hear was my midwife screaming on the other end (to Dan), Get Her Here Now!
Reluctantly again, I got in the car and we sped off...with my literally grabbing the oh-shit handle the entire way.
Everyone at the center was calm when I got there and had the room nice and ready. My midwife asked me if I wanted a waterbith and I still didn't know, but she suggested it so I got in. It was so nice! The water was warm, I was buoyant, and she had dried herbs and aromatherapy oils in the tub which was so pleasant. The room was dark too except for the twinkle lights above the tub.
I was pushing while on my knees in the beginning and sometime during that point, mom and dad arrived and said (after the fact) that they could hear me from the waiting room. Also, not long after I arrived (about 20 min later), LaNette started to suspect the baby was breech (p.s. he wasn't at our exam just 3 days earlier). 1) b/c they were scooping out a lot of poop from the tub and started to noticed that it looked like baby poop. 2) she asked me to reach up and let her know if I could feel the head - and I told her I don't think so, I feel something squishy. She wanted me to get out of the tub and have an exam. The was very crappy!!! Well, she confirmed her recent suspicion that he was breach and things suddenly took a slight turn.
My Midwife and her assistant remained calm, but told us our options. The standard practice would be to call an ambulance and get me to a hospital for a c-section - but she wasn't sure I would make it that long. The other option would be to have the baby there and have EMTs on hand in case of any complications. I really didn't want to make a decision at the point, and I don't remember who made the call but we decided to stay put.
I went back in the tub to finish pushing on my knees. The team that was present kept telling me to lean back on Dan but it didn't sound good to me. However, when I finally did, things started to move a long a little faster.
The first thing that popped out was one leg and not long after the butt, body, and finally the head. I had always intend on grabbing him myself and bring him up to my chest, but I wasn't in a good position for that so LaNette grabbed him for me and gave him to me. (I also found out later it was her intent to have me back with my arms over dan so I couldn't grab him. If anyone happened to touch Sean before he was completely out, there was a good chance he would react by flailing his arms and legs and then he would have been stuck and then we would really have a problem on our hands.)
We waited until the cord was drained and the placenta was delivered before cutting the cord. I didn't have a good sense of time, but we stayed in the tub for maybe 10 mins or so after he was born. It was pretty crazy how heavy and exhausted I felt once the water was drained and not supporting my weight anymore.
The next bit of time is a little of a blur, but generally speaking, Dan, Me, and the baby headed to the big king size bed to relax a bit. Everyone gave us plenty of time together as a family before starting any sort of exams on him. The only thing they didn't want to wait on was my exam to check for tearing (and there was a little so a few stitches were needed).
He came out at 6lbs 13oz and 20in long!
Recovery
We still didn't have a name picked out at this point so I really wanted to make sure that was done before time got away from us and before mom and dad came in. It didn't come to us as quickly or as easily as I had thought it would. I was waiting to see his face before deciding, and that helped a little bit but not a lot. I wasn't 100% confidant in the name - we kind of just agreed to go with it. But I like it more every day :)
After a little bit it was time to get me to the bathroom. I had felt pretty good (considering) up to that point but the walk to the bathroom took a while b/c I nearly passed out and we had to take a long break with me on the floor and my feel elevated. At that point they also gave me some dark chocolate to eat. I got up a little bit later and finished the walk to the toilet where not long after I proceeded to pass out. I was able to mumble a quick warning out to them so my doula was behind me for the support/catch.
We spent the night in the center which was a good idea b/c I was very weak and there was another midwife on call all night for us (getting us water and such as needed).
After mom and dad visited, Rae, Violet, and Carol came to visit. I still wasn't really dressed and Sean was sleeping, so it was a short visit, but nice to have.
I started out at 126lbs, ended at 148, and post birth at 135...one month later im down to 124, but still very squishy!
Fun facts I learned post birth
So, thursday night (10/3) was like any, recent, typical thursday night. Dan went out to play horseshoes and I stayed home and watched stand-up comedy (but this time in the dark and w/out my computer on). Dan came home a little early and watched TV with me and passed out on the couch. I ended my show before it was done and we went to bed maybe by 11pm.
I got up around 2:30am for the usual pee break and things were normal. However, maybe about a 1/2 hour or so from there I woke up with some bad cramps. I guess they were actually contractions, but the pain was almost exclusively in my lower back and I thought I would feel them over the top of my uterus and have them move down (like the "wave" everyone keeps talking about). I gave it about a 1/2 hour before I decided to start timing them. The contractions where of irregular length but were pretty consistently 3-4 min apart. I didn't think this was real, as my birthing classes told me that they should start out anywhere from 5-30 min apart..and get stronger with each one - mine were also varying in strength. I got dan up just to let him know what was going on but that he can go back to sleep. Around 5:30 I texted my midwife and she told me to take a shower and try to sleep. Well, I took the shower but sleep didn't happen. Laying down made the contractions way more painful.
Little did I know at the time, around 6:30/7:00am I started the transition phase - denoted by the vomiting. By this time, Dan was up with me and we were all sitting in the bathroom (Mr. T included). My midwife wanted me to eat something b/c she knew I wouldn't be able to later...well, I wasn't able to at that point. Dan had tried making me some oatmeal and toast.
I tried to calm things down with a heating pad on me and I moved to our loveseat out in the living room. At that point I told dan to call our doula so she could help me labor, but that somehow got lost in translation and she didn't get called. I was ready to leave for the birth center, but since it was a friday morning were would be in the middle of rush hour, so we decided to wait a bit longer. Dan grabbed up the last few things that we needed. I told him to brush his teeth too...he asked if he could take a shower and I reluctantly said sure, but that it better not be more than 2min. Well, he was gone in less time than that I started WAILING b/c the involuntary pushing phase had started. The noises I was making scared Dan and Mr T!
At that point I really didn't think I would make it to the center and I certainly didn't want to sit in the car. So, I called my midwife around 9:50am with the intent of having her come to the house, but I was never able to speak that much. By then, Dan had ran out of the bathroom and saw I was on the phone and all I could hear was my midwife screaming on the other end (to Dan), Get Her Here Now!
Reluctantly again, I got in the car and we sped off...with my literally grabbing the oh-shit handle the entire way.
Everyone at the center was calm when I got there and had the room nice and ready. My midwife asked me if I wanted a waterbith and I still didn't know, but she suggested it so I got in. It was so nice! The water was warm, I was buoyant, and she had dried herbs and aromatherapy oils in the tub which was so pleasant. The room was dark too except for the twinkle lights above the tub.
I was pushing while on my knees in the beginning and sometime during that point, mom and dad arrived and said (after the fact) that they could hear me from the waiting room. Also, not long after I arrived (about 20 min later), LaNette started to suspect the baby was breech (p.s. he wasn't at our exam just 3 days earlier). 1) b/c they were scooping out a lot of poop from the tub and started to noticed that it looked like baby poop. 2) she asked me to reach up and let her know if I could feel the head - and I told her I don't think so, I feel something squishy. She wanted me to get out of the tub and have an exam. The was very crappy!!! Well, she confirmed her recent suspicion that he was breach and things suddenly took a slight turn.
My Midwife and her assistant remained calm, but told us our options. The standard practice would be to call an ambulance and get me to a hospital for a c-section - but she wasn't sure I would make it that long. The other option would be to have the baby there and have EMTs on hand in case of any complications. I really didn't want to make a decision at the point, and I don't remember who made the call but we decided to stay put.
I went back in the tub to finish pushing on my knees. The team that was present kept telling me to lean back on Dan but it didn't sound good to me. However, when I finally did, things started to move a long a little faster.
The first thing that popped out was one leg and not long after the butt, body, and finally the head. I had always intend on grabbing him myself and bring him up to my chest, but I wasn't in a good position for that so LaNette grabbed him for me and gave him to me. (I also found out later it was her intent to have me back with my arms over dan so I couldn't grab him. If anyone happened to touch Sean before he was completely out, there was a good chance he would react by flailing his arms and legs and then he would have been stuck and then we would really have a problem on our hands.)
We waited until the cord was drained and the placenta was delivered before cutting the cord. I didn't have a good sense of time, but we stayed in the tub for maybe 10 mins or so after he was born. It was pretty crazy how heavy and exhausted I felt once the water was drained and not supporting my weight anymore.
The next bit of time is a little of a blur, but generally speaking, Dan, Me, and the baby headed to the big king size bed to relax a bit. Everyone gave us plenty of time together as a family before starting any sort of exams on him. The only thing they didn't want to wait on was my exam to check for tearing (and there was a little so a few stitches were needed).
He came out at 6lbs 13oz and 20in long!
Recovery
We still didn't have a name picked out at this point so I really wanted to make sure that was done before time got away from us and before mom and dad came in. It didn't come to us as quickly or as easily as I had thought it would. I was waiting to see his face before deciding, and that helped a little bit but not a lot. I wasn't 100% confidant in the name - we kind of just agreed to go with it. But I like it more every day :)
After a little bit it was time to get me to the bathroom. I had felt pretty good (considering) up to that point but the walk to the bathroom took a while b/c I nearly passed out and we had to take a long break with me on the floor and my feel elevated. At that point they also gave me some dark chocolate to eat. I got up a little bit later and finished the walk to the toilet where not long after I proceeded to pass out. I was able to mumble a quick warning out to them so my doula was behind me for the support/catch.
We spent the night in the center which was a good idea b/c I was very weak and there was another midwife on call all night for us (getting us water and such as needed).
After mom and dad visited, Rae, Violet, and Carol came to visit. I still wasn't really dressed and Sean was sleeping, so it was a short visit, but nice to have.
I started out at 126lbs, ended at 148, and post birth at 135...one month later im down to 124, but still very squishy!
Fun facts I learned post birth
- After the birth, my midwife offered "to give me a tour of my placenta" and I declined. However, she still took a good look for herself. She noted that the placenta looks very used, almost to the point of it being totally done. Based on that and how he looked when he came out (his development and how dry his skin was) she officially recorded that he came out at 41 weeks, instead of 40 weeks based on my due date.
- Sean was the first breach baby LaNette delivered where she was the primary midwife. So, she has attended vaginal breech births, but she was never "in charge".
- If Sean had come out head first, they would have considered me "crowning" by the time that I walked into the birthing center - yikes.
- According to LaNett's records, the average first time mom has a 10 hour labor for the first stage - I did it in 3 hours.
October 3, 2013
40.2
No baby yet.
Stats:
* Current weight: 148.0. a total of +21.8 from starting weight
* Fundal (sp?) height, 39in - same as last week
* Painful cramping all of last night and mild to medium cramping ever since I got up - with a few occasional sharp pains
* Today is rainy, BMP is falling and there is a new moon tonight.
Stats:
* Current weight: 148.0. a total of +21.8 from starting weight
* Fundal (sp?) height, 39in - same as last week
* Painful cramping all of last night and mild to medium cramping ever since I got up - with a few occasional sharp pains
* Today is rainy, BMP is falling and there is a new moon tonight.
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